The Psychology of Love

Can romantic love truly be defined? Is falling in love really something that exists or is it merely a temporary feeling that is based on attraction alone. If true love is truly real wouldn’t it last forever? If it were love then why do we break up and divorce? These are questions that constantly plague my mind as a writer searching for topics that I know will interest myself and my readers; my ultimate goal being to provoke thought.


There usually are a few steps that happen regarding this thing called love. In order you have, initial attraction which is usually followed by a brief stage of infatuation; that if strong enough, then turns into love. After falling in love, couples will most likely fall into a comfortable place of mutual and sound love. Some couples don’t make it to this stage and are soon done right as the infatuation wears off. During infatuation you usually hear that common statement that both women and men make often……”I think I’m falling in love”. Romantic feelings of love are usually the foundation of any and all relationships. Without attraction and romantic love there is no way to progress in a relationship. But what exactly is romantic love? ; Especially if it can change so easily.


Clearly romantic love cannot be compared even slightly to unconditional love. Unconditional love is usually found in relationships with children or our parents. Unconditional love is loving regardless of circumstance, condition or situation. Most would think that romantic love is unconditional but for the most part it isn’t. Romantic love is usually given and received based on the way a partner is treating the other. This is why it’s so easy for relationships to dismantle or end in divorce. In romantic love once the other is no longer meeting a person’s personal love expectations, the relationship can be ended as if the two have never even met. Two people who were so called “madly in love” at one point and professing forever with the other can all of a sudden be ok if they never even spoke again. Was this truly love? Was it temporary love? Or was it just an experience with love that happened and now is over and done with?


This really raises questions and thoughts in my mind about the true psychology of love. Love is defined in a few different ways:

  1. “A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. As for a parent, child or friends”


  1.  “sexual passion or desire”


  1. “a love affair, an intensely amorous incident”


  1. “a personification of sexual affection, sexual intercourse; copulation”


  1. “Affectionate concern for the well being of others”.


When two adults start cultivating a relationship that is headed down the road of true love, there is usually a point where something mutually happens. After time has passed the two are comfortable with the idea that they love each other and are without a doubt passionately in love. As time passes circumstance and other things can arise that can prompt the partner in love to question their love; whether that be feelings for someone else that have manifested or feelings of boredom or annoyance within the relationship. I ask myself, can true love just change so quickly and become bored or uninterested in their loved one? How can this happen after reciting vows and going through with marriage? How can it happen when just a year prior a person was for sure that their feelings were concrete and in place to spend the rest of their lives with a particular person? Clearly true love is not as true as we believe it to be. Based on results and outcome romantic love seems to be mainly based upon condition, circumstance, and contingency. I truly believe that if human beings really embraced this so called thing called “true love” with lower expectation and for what it truly is then less heartbreak would occur. After all we’re all human, flawed and imperfect; how can we truly love perfectly and forever. Maybe some can but is it ok to accept the fact that maybe some just can’t? Or that perhaps love is just a continuous phase that escorts us into a vicious cycle of evasiveness? If that be the case, I think I’m ok with the uncertainty of it because ultimately love is just that; an uncertain feeling of bliss that is made of ambiguity, madness and triumph being all worth the hassle in the end.

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